Assuming I have one shred of credibility left, it will begin its journey to the landfill Saturday night, when the venerable Kent Stage hosts the world premiere of a movie called The Upgrade (Who’s Watching You?).Yes, it’s being billed as a “world premiere.” Now, given the fact the short film was conceived, written, cast, acted, shot, produced, directed and edited right here, I’m not sure where else in the world it could have premiered. But just play along.I did.In a moment of extreme weakness late last year, I agreed to a cameo in a production that stars a bunch of goofballs from radio station WNIR (100.1-FM), as well as some other folks who seem to be actual actors. And I don’t mean Cuyahoga Falls Mayor Don Robart.The fact that five people receive higher billing than I on the Kent Stage website is not a problem. The fact that one of them is Tom Erickson is a problem.Talk about credibility issues.Actually, my billing is only one notch higher than “and many others.” But considering my total face-time is precisely 23 seconds, I can’t complain.Stan Piatt’s large head appears in a plethora of scenes, as does the lovely countenance of Maggie Fuller, his tortured sidekick on WNIR’s morning show.Afternoon host Bob Golic apparently is not ready for his closeup, Mr. DeMille. His mug appears for literally nine seconds.What’s the movie about? Well, I’m still trying to pin that down.They explained the plot when I showed up in December to shoot in front of a green screen inside a cold barn, and they gave me an advance copy of the finished product Monday. But the plot is extremely deep, complex and nuanced, so I’d better wait for the CliffsNotes.The movie’s creators, Robert Keith and Steve Pallotta, refer to it as “a Cyber-Orwellian dark comedy.”OK then.The film is rated PG. Unfortunately, to avoid an R rating, they had to cut my graphic love scene with Brooklyn Decker.I play a bizarre, otherworldly TV meteorologist with huge eyebrows — sort of Dick Goddard on blotter acid.My moment of (ahem) glory comes 27 minutes into the 50-minute production, when the lead character is sitting in a bar. I’m delivering the forecast on a nearby television.If pressed, I would say the plot comes down to something like this:You know how they say you’re not paranoid if somebody really is chasing you? Well, that’s the case here.Martin Casper (actor David Schurmer) is such a conspiracy freak that he makes Oliver Stone seem bland. But when Casper stumbles upon a secret website, he begins to think the evil forces behind the site are watching his every move. They are.The surveillance begins when Casper is offered a free upgrade for his cable box. Yes, he should have known better. Nothing good ever comes from a cable upgrade.I’m certainly not going to give away the ending, but I can tell you this: It’s not pretty.If you have something more important to do at 7:30 on Saturday night, such as rearranging your sock drawer, there will be two more showings Sunday, at 2 and 5 p.m.Tickets are available at the door or online at http://
kentstage.org. They cost about 14 bucks (12 on Sunday) after you add in the euphemistic “transaction fee” and “service fee.”The Upgrade will be part of a triple feature, joining two other Keith/Pallotta productions: a 90-minute, R-rated comedy, Circle Track Summer, which has logged nearly 150,000 views on YouTube since its 2005 release, and Far Away Christmas, a 12-minute musical short.The feature presentation was shot in Akron, Barberton, Copley and New Franklin. Although it took a year and a half to assemble, it was not exactly a big-budget production, coming in at less than $10,000.Next stop: Most likely the Sundance Film Festival, followed by Cannes.Most likely.Bob Dyer can be reached at 330-996-3580 or bdyer@thebeaconjournal.com.